Editor’s Note: Our daughter’s school and educational team are extraordinary. We feel fortunate and grateful to have such dedicated educators in our corner and thank them for all their hard work to prepare for our children’s return to school.
It is my expressed wish that not one student with a disability will experience barriers to receiving an inclusive and full educational experience this year.
I’m addressing this piece to no one and to everyone who will listen. This is a projection of my fears as a parent to a child with a disability, magnified, but not unjustified. This piece is not to assign blame or elicit shame or to drag up the past or point a finger or a projection of any behaviour I foresee. The honest sentiments that follow are about how I want to move forward this school year, no excuses. I know I am not alone in having these feelings.
I do not want even one excuse to get in the way of my daughter with Down syndrome’s education this year. Parents who have children with disabilities, we are worried about this. I do not want even one excuse. Not a global pandemic. Not a new teacher, a new year, not a new anything. Not my needing to be polite, or to give people time to figure it out on their own that my daughter is able. Not any litany of excuses: we’re getting to know her, she’s tired, we’re just getting back into the swing of things, or list of things they didn’t know about her, because here are the things they need to know about her: …that she should be doing group work, that she should be writing tests, that she should be keeping notes in an agenda with all of her peers; that she can read, that she can write (albeit large – large is okay!) that she can LEARN. That she is an intelligent girl. She may learn differently and at a different rate, but learning differently at our own pace is okay too. People who learn and think differently have drastically changed the world – for the better. Nobody ever questions how long it took them to get there. Different is not an excuse.
I do not want, one more time, to have to go over all of the things that my daughter can do, to have to elucidate her capabilities, one at a time, but my god I will. Because parents of kids with disabilities, if you don’t, if we make assumptions that others understand, if I assume that the teachers’ assumptions are the same assumptions as mine, that Elyse’s educational assistants who spend the day with her know what our expectations are, then, well guess what? Somebody is going to be misinterpreted, and then somebody is going to be left feeling disappointed, and more often than not, it is my daughter, my exceptional daughter, who is going to miss out.
I do not want to hear the excuse of “so-and-so didn’t know.” I am the one who makes that excuse, on behalf of well-meaning individuals, but I’m not going to do that anymore. Because they will know. Because I have told them. Here is what my girl can do. Because they can ask me.
I do not make demands and expect that the school is an island. I set expectations that the school and our household will help meet together. We will read with Elyse at home, no excuses. We can review concepts she’s struggling with at home, no excuses. I will sit down and plan how she can be properly included in her classroom, how to help her participate fully, and I’m happy to do this if it will help my daughter, but what I will not accept is any excuse for why it is not happening. No excuse will do as a substitute for full and proper inclusion and education. Insufficient funding – nope. Insufficient knowledge – nope. A lack of empathy and caring – definitely not.
I will not let my schooling get in the way of my daughter’s schooling. My husband will not let his work get in the way of our daughter’s education. My daughter’s education is not just my responsibility. Mothers are not solely responsible for their child’s education. I repeat: mothers are not solely responsible for their child’s education! No excuses, fathers. No excuses, men. I will not do all of the heavy lifting, but I will carry my fair share of the load.
I do not want one thing to get in the way of my daughter’s education. Not one bias. Not one prejudice. Not one more ableist assumption. Not her sister being in her class, or her glasses fogging up, or wearing a mask or needing to go to the bathroom. I do not want to hear it. Find a way. I will help, and so will my husband, but find a way. There is no excuse for denying a child their right to an accessible and meaningful education. Excuses are a waste of time.
I do not want even one excuse to get in the way of my daughter with Down syndrome’s education.
Genuine situations, honest mistakes, empathy, compassion and kindness, always. But any excuses have got to go.
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